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It’s so easy to get stuck on something that makes you happy. Often there’s nothing wrong with that, if it’s a healthy something. Like a new sport, a class you’re really into, something like that. It starts to get dangerous when that thing is something else, like a relationship, mass amounts of food, drugs, (lol) you get the idea. Those things can turn into addictions or obesessions in unhealthy ways. It is fine if those things make you happy, but there has to be a balance in life.

If all that ever makes you happy is food, chances are you will put on considerable amounts of weight. If all that ever makes you happy is a guy or girl in your life, you’ll feel awful if things don’t work out or you realize they have other interests and needs not including you. Drugs, well that is pretty self explanatory :p kind of unhealthy no matter how often you do them.

Balance is the key, I’m realizing. Everything should be taken in moderation. I need to focus on school for a bit, then my happiness, then whatever else, just a little at a time to avoid that overwhelming feeling, that out of control feeling.  I’ve been so stressed out lately I feel like my head is going to explode at any second. Seriously. My school schedule is out of control and I feel like I have no control over it. My social life is barely existent, causing me to feel the weights of school even more so due to the lack of social distractions I have at my disposal. Money has been on my mind all the time, trying to find ways to fund another visit to see my boyfriend, trying to figure out how I will be able to move out after this semester. My relationship with my boyfriend has been on my brain too, like it always is I guess. We’re in a place right now where anything could happen to us. It scares the crap out of me.

So I sit and think about all these things and feel it build up and then I panic and can’t breath and can’t even function right.

I need to relax. I need to take things in moderation. I need to balance out my needs and my wants and my life. I need to stop worrying about what he’s doing and start thinking about what I’m doing. I need to unstick myself a little bit from “us”. In a long distance relationship it is downright crucial to find things that make you happy apart from your significant other. I struggle with that on a daily basis and I wish to God I didn’t. I hope someday, soon hopefully, I can find myself again and find out what makes me happy, without anyone else in the picture. I love my boyfriend so much, but am still learning to deal with life without him here.  He’s my inspiration, I want to live like him. He takes things a day at a time, without worry or anxiety. He makes time for everyone in his life, and he has many things that make him happy.

I need balance and variety. I just need something before I lose my freakin mind here.